James <3
Thanks for being awesome and not letting my sometimes moody, baby-ish, stupid behaviour throw you off. I know I’m confusing. I can’t express my needs and you can’t mind read. I love you soo much and I’m glad I have you, even though sometimes I can be frustrating. We live and learn together and that is all that matters. I really am lucky to have you! You mean the world to me and them some! 

 

seeing photos of friends (who have little kids) who still go out and look fucking phenomenal, while I sit here in sweat pants waiting to die. 

i dont care, but i do. why? no idea.
I guess its because i feel fucking disgusting always even though I have no actual responsibility like raising a child. I have nothing to my name or anything to offer anyone or the world. I have no motivation and my biggest dream in life is to be  financially cared for so I can sit at home with my animals and not have to face my anxiety or other issues I suffer from. I honestly just need rent $ and food, thats it. How fucking sad.
I would even (at this point) be okay with only being able to afford to home only a few animals, even though I would LOVE to have my own sanctuary, working towards it is just not feasible in my mind… mentally, financially or physically.

 i cant ever  see myself in a position of happiness and I really have no lust for life. 
i feel fucking pathetic. a sad excuse for a 22 year old ‘human’. 

met a kitten yesterday that lives around my brothers place that looks soo much like my late cat Snoopy. He had the same markings and colour.

ugh, had to hold back the tears while I was paying with him at my brothers. Then I came home and bawled outside in secrecy while taking James’ dog out for a pee.
/my life