*i am not looking for pity, or whatever the fuck. im looking for answers. im so frustrated. i just need help :( *
my doctor thinks i have fibromyalgia, to the point where she has diagnosed me, although i still have to see a specialist for a full/true diagnosis my mom has it, bad, and my grandma (we think, as she has passed) suffered with it to before it was coined as a health problem.
the problem is, is that my whole body feels like shit. they are certain trigger points for fibro sufferers and i do have pain in all of them, but fibromyalgia moves around the body. As in, one day, your shoulder will hurt like fuck, then the next, your leg will ache that you can barely walk and so on. it can stay in certain parts of the body, but it does move around. my moms fibromyalgia moves around.
Whatever the fuck I have doesnt. My pain and aches are bilateral. my feet, my knees, my shins, my lower back, my shoulders, my neck, my arms, yah. What. the. fuck?
I have been tested for so many things. Of course, this is ‘western medicine’ testing, so you know, its not the best. but on paper, from my tests, im fine. i dont have rheumatoid arthritic because there is next to no inflammation on my blood. I was tested for celiac disease and was ‘negative’ (not always correct). My cortisol levels are within range, i dont seem to have any blood issues I have to watch for anemia, so i take iron pills on occasion when im not able to eat well (lack of hunger etc). I mean, i went through a horrible period in my life about three years ago, lost 20 lbs, didnt eat, slept too much and did amazing in school, yet i felt terrible. Ive since gained wight back. im obviously too skinny still, but i mean, i cant even go to the gym to bulk up because i can barely get out of bed.
thats the other thing. since ive come off effexor, im not tired. so i force myself into bed, but when i wake up, im more exhausted and shitty feeling than before. its so fucked up. i couldnt get out of bed today until 930 am, my body felt so weak and shitty that i went back and couldnt get up till 1pm.
how the fuck am i going to get a job if i cant get better? I pulled myself out of a suicidal depression that i never thought would end, and now my body is bringing me down? FUCK NO. i cant accept that. I’ve been eating full meals and a lot of them. but it doesnt matter. food makes me feel terrible. which is also weird. i feel awful after i eat…. anything, really. I feel awful before i eat. but i feel awful always, so i dont really know what else to say. im trying to heal and get better but this has literally been a 2 year process and im med free now and should be doing a lot better.
I’m at the point now that i’m HOPING i have a fainting spell or something horrid happens so i can be rused to the hospital and then be tested/examined/x rayed for everything. maybe dreams do come true?
what the fuck is wrong?